De-Bullshitting

Over the weekend I suddenly felt the need to de-bullshit my website.

Not that it was full of bullshit, mind you. It was more of a gentle aroma.

I was flicking through the net during a period of procrastination and I found the CV of a guy I think is full of shit. You know the type, he has forty-odd feature films listed on his CV and not one of them has any mention anywhere else on the net.

No imdb page, no production company website, no casting calls – nothing.

Yep, that’s right, his CV is pure bullshit. All of his ‘credits’ are spec scripts or stuff he’s written for a friend. Not that bullshit is a bad thing, you need a certain amount to get ahead; but this type is instantly recognisable to anyone who knows what to look for.

I know what to look for, because I’ve done it.

When I first set up my website, my CV was a little on the flimsy side; so I padded it out. Every time somebody expressed an interest in a script, it went on my CV. Over time, my CV grew to an impressive size; unfortunately, it was mostly lies.

White lies, but still lies.

And as it turns out, lies do help. Producers/Directors have approached me in the past on the grounds of an impressive CV.

Sorry.

Anyway, after the weekend’s browsing I re-evaluated my bullshit position and was surprised to discover my CV stands up quite well without it.

So it’s gone.

For the first time, my CV is revealed in all its naked truth. I’ve split it up into three sections: PRODUCED, PRE-PRODUCTION and IN DEVELOPMENT. I’ve also split the information pages into the same categories.

The stuff in the PRODUCED category is all verifiable, the stuff in the Pre-Production category at least has concept art and cast lists (either/or – rarely both), and the stuff in the IN DEVELOPMENT category … well, you’re just going to have to trust me on that.

In a fit of website spring cleaning, I also added a handful of new sketches. Well, by new I mean written within the last year.

See, as soon as you turn your back, the bullshit creeps back in. I’ve got to go now, Spielberg’s on the phone. I wish he’d stop bothering me …

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Categories: Progress, Sad Bastard | 5 Comments

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5 thoughts on “De-Bullshitting

  1. Danny K

    Phillip, do you think it’s wise to leave the ‘Shoot The Writers’ references on your CV? Someone might have seen the show.

    I had 4 sketches filmed for that ITV show, (same year I think), 3 were aired, the fourth I saw at the pre-screening where they used us as the laughter track but either I missed it on TV, or it was discarded.

    Some wit said the production values were so appallingly low because the budget was only 75p! It showed! As you know, they had young adults, (students), shuffling round on their knees to convince the viewer they were watching children – in fact it’s too painful to recall. I didn’t win any of the weekly votes, unlike you, but still – what if some-one’s seen it, and then reads your CV?

  2. Hah!

    Yeah, good point, Danny. It was piss poor, but it was my first TV credit and I feel weirdly protective of it, regardless of how bad it was.

    I’ve even left the sketches up on my website.

    I didn’t win anything either, by the way. At least I don’t think I did, if I did I’ve blocked it from my memory.

    Even if I took it off my CV, it’ll still be on my imdb page, so I’m leaving it there in the spirit of honesty.

  3. And, I’ve just realised, getting the sketches accepted by Shoot the Writers surprised the hell out of me.

    It surprised me because I always thought I couldn’t write sketches. On the back of that surprise, I sent some sketches into The Treason Show which led directly to me sitting in a room full of people who laughed at my work, which led to somebody asking if I was “the legendary genius Phill Barron?” Which led to someone else telling me they’d studied one of my sketches at a comedy workshop, which led to me thinking I was Jesus for a week or so.

    So it’s not all bad.

  4. Danny K

    – “Which led to someone else telling me they’d studied one of my sketches at a comedy workshop” –

    Bloody hell! Praise doesn’t come any higher than when it’s delivered by fellow professionals.

    Shades of, “An Evening with …”

  5. Yeah, that was a massive ego boost. As if my already swollen head needed any more praise.

    Soon came back down to earth the next time I submitted something to the BBC.

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