Right, time to knuckle down. Got to have the first draft of ‘Kapital‘ done by the 27th.

No problem.

Except, no, wait. Someone has rather helpfully poured tea into my laptop while I’m away from home and I’ve just had to spend four days staring at the completely dead screen of what is now just an expensive paperweight.

“I bought this ipod and haven’t got any songs on it” he says ” Can I borrow your laptop and nick some of your tunes?” he asks.

“Of course you can, just be careful you don’t … you fucking idiot!”

The actual order of events was: he sits down with my laptop and a cup of tea. I go to get the charger to plug it in. I come back, the cup is empty and he points out that the keyboard is ‘a bit wet’; but he has no idea how it happened.

“Did you drink your tea?”

“Yes. … Well, most of it. … Some of it. … No.”

“You spilt it on my laptop, didn’t you?”


He’s dead now. Buried in a shallow grave, marked only with one word: BASTARD.

So here I am, back where I started, with only 10 days left until the deadline. Not only do I not have a laptop for writing on the move, but I’ve also lost the work I’ve already done.

“Did you not back it up?” I hear you cry.

“Fuck you, you smart arsed prick.” would be my stressed response.

I’m confined to my desktop, hoping it goes the distance and doesn’t have one of its semi-regular bouts of shitness. I’m backing up now, believe me. Every twenty seconds.

On a more positive note, something really cool happened this morning. I got word someone wants to do a feature script of mine, someone who’s very, very famous in the UK and completely unheard of anywhere else. The part was written specifically for him, and he wants to do it. I’m very excited, I probably shouldn’t be, but I am.

Can you guess who it is?

I bet you can’t.

In fact I know you can’t and I’m not allowed to tell you even if you did. So there.

Anyway, back to work. Only another 100 or so pages to go. In 10 days, no problem.

Do you know what Don Allen, the producer/director, said when I told him I’d had a little setback?

“Good. You work better under pressure.”

That’s great, thanks very much. I’ll just lop off a hand too, shall I? That’ll really pile the pressure on. And then, 24 hours later, he chimes in with:

“Oh, sorry to hear about your laptop.”

Yes, so am I; but not nearly as sorry as the bloke what done it in. Bastard.

Categories: Kapital, Two steps back | 9 Comments

Post navigation

9 thoughts on “Arrgh!

  1. While you’re backing up, sir, I’d like your input re: The Apprentice final. Given our joint obsession with the stylish walking-to-the-car shots, whatever did we make of Simon’s TRIUMPHANT stroll to it? Did they get everyone to walk victoriously out of those doors, in that one bank of filming, alongside the ‘fired’ shots? If so, imagine the emotional range the contestants were forced to endure: walking out pissed-off one minute, and king/queen of the world, the next. A terrible business all ’round.

    Hope your laptop comes to its senses, and perhaps actually feeds on the tea, just as the Tenth Doctor did in The Christmas Invasion.

  2. Not having ever watched the Apprentice, I’ve no idea what you’re talking about. But I suspect that first bit was meant for someone else’s blog?

    Either that or there’s some weird other-dimensional version of me knocking around who has time to watch TV. Apart from Doctor Who, there’s always time for Doctor Who.

    And no, alas, it doesn’t feed on tea. Unless by feed you mean switch off and lie dead in the corner. I put it outside to dry off in the sun and it got attacked by ants – I don’t know if that invalidates the warranty or not.

  3. Blimey O’Reilley on a bike. *Tries to remember who I was sharing Apprentice obsession with…*

    Seeing as ‘ant’ appears in the very word ‘warranty’, I really can’t see you having any problem there.

  4. I feel like I’m letting you down now. If it helps, I’m supposed to be writing an advert and/or a TV series for Tre.

    No idea who he is, mind.

  5. Yes, that does help, Sir. A Tre TV series would be tremendous fun!

    • I am crying, i can believe the best tv show that i have ever seen is coming to its end, it is hard to think that this is the last promo that i am going to see of 24 😦 Why? I will never forget 24 never. I promise myself. I love Jack Bauer going to miss him. And i know that there is going to be a movie but there is not going to be another 24 season. After i watch this epdsioes i am going to cry a lot. LOVE 24, 24 FOREVER, JACK BAUER & RENEE WALKER FOREVER

  6. So… Bloke is going to pay for repair or replacement, I presume?? Yeah, it was an accident, but thanks to his carelessness. I’ll hold him down for you, if you want, while you punch his face in.

  7. He offered, I said no. It was an accident at the end of the day, dramatised here for your entertainment. I’ll be able to fix it without too much fuss and it’s going to be fun making him feel bad about it for the rest of iis life. That’s one more person I have in my pocket on my quest for world domination.

  8. Pingback: The laptop saga (Part One) « The Jobbing Scriptwriter

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Create a free website or blog at

%d bloggers like this: