I’m resting on my laurels and I haven’t even got any. Time was, I’d finish one project and bang straight on with something else.
- Not working for someone else? Write a spec script.
- Finished what I’m doing but don’t want to go to bed yet? Write a handful of sketches.
- Got a spec project I’m happy with? Look for someone to send it to.
At the moment, I’m not doing any of that. I’m busy, true – but not so busy I can’t squeeze extra work in. Today, for example, I finished this music video script (another first for me – I didn’t even know they had scripts) and then I … just gave up. I downed tools at about five this afternoon and just fucked around for the rest of the day.
It’s not like I haven’t got stuff to do, but I can’t be bothered. I know exactly how long it’s going to take me to work through my list of jobs and I’m not pushing myself. I could have cracked on today with the feature rewrite I’m in the middle of, but I’ve already planned to do a little bit each day and I just can’t muster the will to push myself harder.
The way I’m acting, you’d think I’d actually achieved something of note which meant I don’t need to try as hard. Yeah, I’m working; but once the current list of jobs is done, there’s nothing to replace it.
I’ve got a feature in production, one in pre-production and five in development – but so what? There’s a better than average chance none of them will ever come to fruition – and even if they do, miracle of miracles, actually result in a film; there’s a very good chance none of them will be good enough to garner any attention whatsoever.
That’s not a slur on the people/companies who intend to make them, it’s just a statistical fact – most projects never see the light of day and most of the ones which do are a pile of shit.
And even if they all sprang into production tomorrow and even if they were all good enough to draw attention to my career – it’ll still be over a year before I’d see any discernable effect.
So what the hell am I waiting for?
Why aren’t I cracking on with one of the mountain of spec ideas I have lying around? Why don’t I make an effort to send out my three remaining spec scripts? At the very least, why aren’t I making some pocket money by writing sketches?
In short, why am I being so fucking complacent?
I think part of it is not having seen my wife, Mandy, for over a week (she’s an air hostess, you know?). If I’m lucky and her flight lands on time, I’ll see her for an hour tomorrow before I have to head off. If I’m unlucky and her flight is delayed, I won’t see her until Thursday. That’s shit, at best. I miss her.
Even that’s not really an excuse. Time was, as soon as she left the house, I’d throw myself at the keyboard and write continuously until I passed out from hunger.
Maybe it’s the heat, I don’t know. Whatever it is, it’s annoying the piss out of me. I’d like to say I’m going to turn over a new leaf tomorrow (or perhaps, go back to my old leaf); but it sounds like an awful lot of work and there’s bound to be something good on the telly.
Oh well, hopefuly it’s just a passing phase and I’ll be back on track soon.