I’ve lost my mojo

I’m resting on my laurels and I haven’t even got any. Time was, I’d finish one project and bang straight on with something else.

  • Not working for someone else? Write a spec script.
  • Finished what I’m doing but don’t want to go to bed yet? Write a handful of sketches.
  • Got a spec project I’m happy with? Look for someone to send it to.

At the moment, I’m not doing any of that. I’m busy, true – but not so busy I can’t squeeze extra work in. Today, for example, I finished this music video script (another first for me – I didn’t even know they had scripts) and then I … just gave up. I downed tools at about five this afternoon and just fucked around for the rest of the day.

It’s not like I haven’t got stuff to do, but I can’t be bothered. I know exactly how long it’s going to take me to work through my list of jobs and I’m not pushing myself. I could have cracked on today with the feature rewrite I’m in the middle of, but I’ve already planned to do a little bit each day and I just can’t muster the will to push myself harder.

The way I’m acting, you’d think I’d actually achieved something of note which meant I don’t need to try as hard. Yeah, I’m working; but once the current list of jobs is done, there’s nothing to replace it.

I’ve got a feature in production, one in pre-production and five in development – but so what? There’s a better than average chance none of them will ever come to fruition – and even if they do, miracle of miracles, actually result in a film; there’s a very good chance none of them will be good enough to garner any attention whatsoever.

That’s not a slur on the people/companies who intend to make them, it’s just a statistical fact – most projects never see the light of day and most of the ones which do are a pile of shit.

And even if they all sprang into production tomorrow and even if they were all good enough to draw attention to my career – it’ll still be over a year before I’d see any discernable effect.

So what the hell am I waiting for?

Why aren’t I cracking on with one of the mountain of spec ideas I have lying around? Why don’t I make an effort to send out my three remaining spec scripts? At the very least, why aren’t I making some pocket money by writing sketches?

In short, why am I being so fucking complacent?

I think part of it is not having seen my wife, Mandy, for over a week (she’s an air hostess, you know?). If I’m lucky and her flight lands on time, I’ll see her for an hour tomorrow before I have to head off. If I’m unlucky and her flight is delayed, I won’t see her until Thursday. That’s shit, at best. I miss her.

Even that’s not really an excuse. Time was, as soon as she left the house, I’d throw myself at the keyboard and write continuously until I passed out from hunger.

Maybe it’s the heat, I don’t know. Whatever it is, it’s annoying the piss out of me. I’d like to say I’m going to turn over a new leaf tomorrow (or perhaps, go back to my old leaf); but it sounds like an awful lot of work and there’s bound to be something good on the telly.

Oh well, hopefuly it’s just a passing phase and I’ll be back on track soon.

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Categories: Bored, Two steps back, Writing and life | 11 Comments

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11 thoughts on “I’ve lost my mojo

  1. Surely this passing malaise is simply your cue to lie on a bed in a darkened room, with a cold flannel on your head? You’re working too hard, Barron. Stop. The. Madness.

  2. I tried that. All that happened was I came up with an idea for a film about a killer flannel.

  3. I think you’re right. It’s the wife thing.

    At the risk of sounding hopelessly romantic/dependent, I can’t write without my girlfriend there. If she’s out for the evening, I always plan to write, but never achieve anything more than making a fishfinger sandwich and watching telly in my pants.

  4. Remember, part of the joy of being a writer is that even when you’re not at the keyboard, you’re still working. So you don’t have to feel guilty when you’re not typing.

    Stop. Recharge. Think.

    Hell, you could even take an afternoon off and catch a matinee. Or sit in the park with a book.

    Take some time off, man. Before the flannel gets you.

  5. Danny-K

    I think Piers has summed your malaise up neatly – either that or you’re so convinced you dislike your laptop that your subconscious is acting like a Pavlovian dog and makes any approach to switch the damned laptop on unbearable. In other words, force yourself to love your crappy laptop.

  6. Time off? Time off?

    You can tell that’s advice from other writers. That’s the same as me telling newbies not to worry about format, structure isn’t important and passive tense is where it’s at.

    You’re all trying to sabotage me.

  7. Dammit Piers, he’s on to us – Strike Team Alpha, move in, subject has seen behind the curtain, move in now now now.

    Sometimes you just need a break. Imagine that you had an office job where you lived, slept and ate in the office, never leaving, working from the moment you get up to the moment you fall asleep. You’d go insane. That’s writing for you, it doesn’t feel like work, so you don’t realise how much you need a break. Take a day, just a day, and get the hell away from everything, don’t touch a computer, don’t think, just veg out somewhere. Your brain is telling you it needs a rest. Listen to your brain. It knows things.

  8. Gordon Robertson

    Phill, I’ve found your mojo. It was behind the lamp on the bedside table where you “lost” your passport.

    Now get back to work!

  9. music videos have scripts?

  10. Oli: sadly, fishfinger sandwiches are way beyond my culinary limits.

    Danny-K: I couldn’t be arsed to write on my desktop either.

    James: My brain knows nothing, I’ve dropped it far too often.

    Gordon: Your scary powers aren’t working this time.

    D F: Apparently, yes. Or at least some of them do. Or maybe just one, as of yesterday.

  11. Eleanor

    *SLAP!*

    Snap out of it Barron. Procrastination is my thing baby. Go find your own horse to flog!

    😉

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