At the end of July, I sent some sketches to the producer of a new BBC sketch show.

I wittered on about it here.

If anyone’s actually checking out that link, skip to the end – it’s the last few paragraphs. All it says though is pretty much what I said in the first sentence in this post. Only with a lot more words and maybe some swearing.

So, you probably shouldn’t bother.

Okay, back on track. The point is, based on a friend’s recommendation (I forgot that part), I sent some sketches to the producer.

Today, he phoned me and asked for some more.

I originally sent in eleven sketches, he likes one and wants to expand it to a series of running gags. Which is fine by me. He also sent me the writers’ brief which explains the show in a bit more depth, which means I can (hopefully) write some sketches more suited to the format.

A nice way to start the day, I thought. So I celebrated by buying a toasted sandwich maker. Some of you may have gone down the champagne route, but I’m a ‘ham, cheese and egg toastie’ kind of guy.

Halfway home I had a little wobble when I noticed the box only said ‘sandwich maker’ rather than ‘toasted sandwich maker’. I thought I’d accidentally spunked my £8.64 on some kind of device which just … well, I don’t know. What the fuck is a sandwich maker? Do you slot the ingredients in to the case and it shuffles them into order?

Turns out, my fears were unjustified and it is indeed a toasted sandwich maker.

I’ve eaten too many now. I feel sick, sleepy and generally more eggy than any person should have to bear.

So there you go: on the downside, I might fall asleep and choke on my egg-flavoured vomit. On the upside: I had a phone call from a BBC producer about a writing job and I learnt I’ve got a limit* for ham, cheese and egg toasties.

I think the pluses outweigh the minuses there.

*Four. My limit’s four. After that it gets nasty.

Categories: BBC, BBC Sketch Show, Progress, Random Witterings | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “Toasties

  1. Congratulations, that’s good news to hear. Particularly as you’ve just got through convincing us that you don’t know why people think sketch writing is your forte, as in –

    YOU, (RECENTLY): A friend of mine is working on a sketch show at the moment . . . In short: I really, really want to write for it.

    ME, (MORE RECENTLY): Sketches – Your forte.

    YOU, (AS RECENTLY AS RECENTLY): Funnily enough, I’ve never really thought of myself as a sketch writer.

    – Hmmmm, okaaaay, must have read you incorrectly. And then today.

    M’lud I offer exhibit A; today’s blog.

    YOU, (TODAY): . . .which means I can (hopefully) write some sketches more suited to the format.

    Case proven.
    Will the defendant please rise.
    Sentencing adjourned until the number of Toasties the accused must be forced to eat at one sitting is decided.

    (I say six).

  2. Hey, you’ve gone all blue and clicky!

    Is it my forte? I don’t know. All I know is I think of myself primarily as a movie writer, more than a sketch writer. I would hate to find out I’m better at writing sketches than I am at writing movies.

    “I really, really want to write for it” could translate as “I really, really don’t know who’s reading this blog”.

    To clarify, I enjoy writing sketches; but I’ve always seen it as a diversion which fills in the gaps between movies and pay-cheques. This series, however, is something new, different and right up my alley. (see translation above)

    In a similar vein: I enjoy sex, but it’s not my forte (I’m very bad at it) and I’ve never considered myself a porn-star. Except in private.

    Six toasties? Six? I’d better start starving myself in case the jury doesn’t appreciate my porn-star metaphor.

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