Writer speak

I got no less than three angry phone calls about yesterday’s post. Three angry producers who all thought it was based on them.

It’s not, I keep telling you it’s not.*

Here, to even the score, is a translation of writer speak for anyone who isn’t in the know. I apologise now to all the other writers out there, I know I’m giving away trade secrets here and will probably get thrown out of the club … but I’ve never been much of a team player anyway.

Writer: I’ll have it done by the 10th.

Translation: I’ll start it on the 10th.

It’ll be done by Friday.

I didn’t specify which Friday.

It’s still at the conceptual stage.

Leave me alone, I’m watching The Simpsons.

I’m not quite sure how it all fits together yet, but I’m working on it.

I haven’t even looked at anything you sent me yet.

I’m nearly done.

Ooh, a Stargate marathon.

I’m working on it right now.

I’m browsing the net for porn.

I’m doing the research as we speak.

I’m browsing the net for porn.

I’m want to get the characters right before I write anything down.

I’m browsing the net for porn.

And, finally:

I think the theme of this movie needs to be tied more closely to the protagonist’s inner goal whilst complimenting his outer desire.

That’s right mother fucker, I’m reading the same book as you … whilst browsing the net for porn with the other hand.


* Of course it’s you, who else would it fucking be?

Only kidding.

A bit.

No, I am, it’s not based on you – it’s not based on anyone.

If you believe that, you’ll believe anything.

No, I’m just fucking with your head – sorry.

Hee hee.

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