Resurrection

Sometimes I think of my career as being like that scene in Desperado where the floor of the bar is littered with corpses. I’m like Antonio Banderas (only ginger, poorer and considerably less attractive – although possibly taller, they’re all short in Hollywood, aren’t they?) and the corpses are the remains of dead projects. You know, films and TV things which people were massively excited about and were definitely going to film the next day …

But didn’t.

Every now and then, one of those corpses gasps a long, shuddering breath and sits up – they’re not quite dead! There’s still a bit of life in the old bugger! And … hang on.

Hmm.

Thinking about it, Antonio Banderas killed all those people which in this analogy suggests I was responsible for the unravelling of projects past. And Antonio was desperately searching for a gun to kill the one still breathing fella, wasn’t he? Which suggests I’m trying to shoot down the last project I’ve got in development.

Yeah, that’s a stupid analogy – sorry.

The point is, a project which disappeared firmly up its own arse earlier this year has just lurched back into view. It’s gone from being dead and buried in a forgotten, overgrown grave with no one to mourn it to a lively, throbbing beast, frothing at the mouth and straining willfully against its harness as it prepares to spring into action.

Possibly even next month!

Watch how the eager frothing turns out to be rabies and it gets shot through the head!

It’s never really worth getting excited about things like this, but it’s hard not to. I always allow myself a little glimmer of hope before settling back into a blasé attitude of insouciant disinterest. If it happens, it happens. Wake me when the filming starts.

Actually, no. Wake me when the filming stops and the project’s finished – that’s a much bigger achievement and a dizzying height the movie makers I’ve worked with have yet to reach.

I can but dream.

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Categories: Progress | 5 Comments

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5 thoughts on “Resurrection

  1. …or is it a nightmare… ?

    I’m waiting for the rabies to set in on my project.
    Thanks for the dash of cold water Phill, I needed that. 😉

  2. Hollywood stars ARE all tiny, so true. If they ever did a live action version of Snow White you’d have an all star cast for the dwarfs: Hoffmann, Cruise, Damon, Law, Stiller, De Vito, Pacino.

    Actually, I want to see this film now.

    Oh yeah, well done on the film thing.

    Dwarfs.

  3. it IS hard though, innit – ‘it’s alive!’ / ‘no, it’s dead’ / ‘it’s gonna pull through!’ / ‘no, the producer just buggered off to Honduras’ / ‘we’re saved!’ / ‘nope, the new moneybags is from Colombia and will only pay cash’ …

  4. Eleanor: I’m sure your project will sail straight to the finish line with no problems … ah fuck it, who am I kidding? It’ll be a fucking nightmare. It always is.

    CNUTS: But who would you cast as Snow White? Aren’t all the women even shorter in order to make the guys look normal sized?

    DF: I’ve too have done the Columbian thing – never, ever again.

  5. Phill, I think you’ve worked out why the film was never made. It’s a shame as I would of had Uma Thurman… oh and for the film too.

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