No one will notice

One of the first observations people make when entering our house is we have a lot of books.

This isn’t strictly true, or rather: it is true, but it’s the wrong way of looking at it. We only have a lot of books because we have a lot bookcases and need something to fill them.

This isn’t the beginning of the story either. We have a lot of bookcases because they’re hiding something, and the thing they’re hiding is incompetence. Specifically, they’re hiding an almost total inability to decorate.

I’ve just redecorated the lounge and, apart from a lot of swearing at the walls, the paper, the paste and the scissors which seemed able to teleport themselves randomly around the room when my back was turned, the words I uttered most were:

“No one will notice that, it’ll be behind the bookcase.”

And that’s why, in a world where painters and decorators care about the standard of their work, I could never be one – because I don’t.

Care, that is.

I’m sure some of you reading this know professional painters and decorators who are equally incompetent and slapdash but, please, keep it to yourselves – you’ll ruin the analogy.

That phrase “no one will notice” – I hear it bandied around a lot and it always bugs me, because someone will. There’s you, the producer and the director and, maybe (depending on the good humour of the director) the cast and crew (fifty people, perhaps?) looking at the script versus a potential audience of hundreds of thousands or even millions looking at the finished product.

The audience has the ability to watch it again and again, the will to go through the the movie frame by frame and the intention to prove how much cleverer they are than you by yelling about your mistakes on the Internet. They will find mistakes you’ve never even thought of, and never would think of with a thousand hours to look for them; so if you or someone else notices an inconsistency at the script stage – fix it.

If anyone tells you not to worry, no one will notice – slap them, scream obscenities at them and then fix it. Someone will notice. This is your chosen career, if you can’t be bothered to fix the mistakes you create then why should anyone be bothered to pay you? Take pride in your work because God is in the details.

Or is it the devil?

Fuck it, add in the fictional character of your choice: Santa is in the details; there, that’ll do. I’m off to IKEA to buy enough wardrobes to line the entire house.

Categories: My Way, Random Witterings | 10 Comments

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10 thoughts on “No one will notice

  1. So how much floor space will you have once you’re wadrobed out?

    And more importantly, will your house become an interdimensional-port – – kinda like an airport: with many gates, but without all the waiting about … unless of course the wardrobes have decided not to work, in which case you’ll get a bunch of freaks in your house wanting to be fed and provided with a place to sleep … you could start a hotel? But then again you’ll never get any time to write if you are looking after all these travellers….

    The wardrobes are a really bad idea Phill.

    Stick with bookshelves, L-space is much more cuddly … in a potentially very dangerous kinda way.

  2. Bookcases! Damn it, I meant bookcases, not wardrobes!

    What the hell was I thinking?

    I guess I could edit the post, but then you’d look proper mental, Eleanor – going on about wardrobes for no reason; so … no, my mistakes stand. Damn it.

  3. Darren

    I say edit… and Eleanor be damned. 🙂

  4. Yeah, I always look like a mental anyway. Go ahead and edit. 🙂

  5. Nah, I wouldn’t do that to you – and you’ve got to love me not editing a mistake out of a post dealing with caring about what you write – that’s proper genius that is.

  6. :LOL:

  7. Drat, you must have a different code for that smiley.

    And yes, your Machiavellian ways are stunning! 🙂

  8. Darren

    Obviously… when I say ‘damned’, I mean it in the nicest possible way…

  9. N’ah, you were trying to be rude and abusive! Grrr. 😉

    Anyway, you’re too late. 🙂

  10. Eleanor, why are you the only person my blog makes wait for approval? Approval is turned off yet it makes an exception for you.

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