‘Tis over, ’tis done, ’tis sent.
Oh fuck, what if they don’t like it? What if it’s a pile of shit? What if … oh look, shiny things.
Luckily my panic induced feelings of inferiority are easily diverted by … oh, a wall. Wow, it’s really flat.
I read back through the script this morning, resisting the urge to change every other word for the moment, just trying to get a feel for the story – does it make sense? Do you get the right impressions at the right places? Do the characters react properly? Are there any bits when the rest of the movie seems easily avoidable – you know, can they just go home at any point?
I almost missed the big reveal at the end, primarily because none of the characters reacted to it. Oops. There’s a spooky sequence near the end which is just too short and nothing makes things spooky like dragging it out. Ratchet up the tension, drag it out as long as possible:
“They search the house. It’s dark.”
Doesn’t quite cut it. It’s no where near as tense as reading a couple of pages of creaks, doors being opened, shadows looming at them … and all that shit.
A nice walk along the seafront this afternoon to digest and back into it this evening.
First thing to go – all the ‘ands’.
I’m not quite sure where this has come from, maybe from Russell T Davies’ book, can’t remember him saying it, but maybe it’s in the way he writes … anyway, I’ve somehow come to the conclusion ‘and’ is evil and has to be purged. Not in dialogue, obviously, but in lists of actions:
“Mike opens the fridge, grabs some milk and closes the door.”
Seems better to me (this week) as:
“Mike opens the fridge, grabs some milk, closes the door.”
It just sounds more immediate, more dynamic.
Of course the fridge then turns into a killer robot, massacres Mike, his kittens … etc. Pretty lame bit of action otherwise. Oh, he gets milk out of the fridge, does he? How interesting. Marvel at how storing milk in a fridge, then retrieving it, advances the plot and defines character. Why would you want to dynamically get milk from the fridge?
Anyway, back at the point.
Next thing to go: ‘but’.
“Mike kicks the door, but it’s locked.”
“Mike kicks the door … it’s locked.”
Better. Oh no! How’s Mike going to get his milk out of the fridge now? Who locks a fucking fridge? Oh, it’s a different door – that’s alright then.
Next up: all the ‘ings’.
Where do they fucking come from? I don’t write ‘ings’ I hate them … but there they are, all over the fucking shop. And the script. In sentences when they shouldn’t be:
Sleeping, running, walking, BORING!
More swear words, translate some into Polish … pierdolic, this is looking better already.
What’s left? Dialogue, trim it down, hack out the first few words of every sentence, get rid of most of the words.
Yes, like it!
Add some more spooky words, everything’s blood-stained or gore-encrusted at the moment. Some chunks of brain, blood-matted hair, fragments of skull … make some bits slick with blood … stuff like that. Where’s that thesaurus?
Bits have been cut, bits have been added, bits have been shortened, bits have been lengthened … it’s 84 pages, that’s close enough. Save it, back it up, PDF the motherfucker and BOOM … it’s on its way.
What’s on telly?