A few weeks back I had a handful of emails from actors looking for work.
Nothing unusual in that, it happens with alarming regularity and I usually politely respond with one simple fact:
I’m a writer, I have no opportunity to get anyone any acting work on any production whatsoever. Seriously, no one listens to my opinion or even remotely cares about anything I have to say. I could be best mates with Tom Cruise and wouldn’t be able to get him a job. My opinion means nothing.
Which is precisely how it should be. No one should ever listen to my opinion – it’s always wrong.
Actually, you could listen to it and do the opposite. That’s probably a good course of action.
Anyway, what made those particular emails unusual is they were enquiring about roles for a specific film … a film I probably didn’t write and as far as I knew wasn’t getting made any time soon.
Except … it turns out it is. This Friday as it happens … but I didn’t actually write it.
Me too. Let’s go back to the beginning.
A few years back, producer Jonathan Sothcott was talking about remaking ‘House on Straw Hill’ also known as ‘Exposé’ and apparently the only film still banned in the UK. I watched the DVD (how naughty, can I get arrested for that?) and by the halfway mark I’d come to the conclusion the only way the film could make any sense would be if … something, something, something …
Which Jonathan liked. A lot. He actually wrote down genius on a bit of paper and circled it – but in retrospect he may have been talking about himself.
I wrote out a longish synopsis, which everyone loved, rushed out a script, royally fucked it up and delivered an absolute turd. Which I am still ashamed of, but I make a point of bringing up every now and then to remind myself never, ever to do it again.
And that was pretty much it. I moved on to pastures … different. None of them are particularly greener – they’re just different – and I kind of forgot about the whole thing.
Until I started getting emails asking for roles in the film.
Apparently there was an advert on Casting Call Pro for ‘Exposé’ and an Internet search brings up my name because I haven’t got round to taking it off my website. A quick call to Jonathan confirmed they were going ahead with the film on the 27th March (this Friday). Martin Kemp‘s directing a script he’s written and it stars Philip Davis, Jane March and Anna Brecon.
There’s an article in Fangoria about it here.
What’s all this got to do with me?
Well, not a lot to be honest – apart from my mate’s making a film and because I mumbled a few words in a pub a couple of years ago – I get a ‘story by’ credit. Which is nice. It’s another produced feature credit, for no extra work, with a share of the glory if it’s good and plausible deniability if it’s not.
I’m pretty confident it will be good though, so hooray!
I was beginning to think I wouldn’t get my name on any films this year.
Mind you, it’s only March and the pipeline is looking pretty full …