Earlier today I was reading the paper over someone’s shoulder …
I should explain, I don’t buy newspapers any more – they’re depressing, inaccurate and generally full of shit.
For example: according to the papers, Britain is a perilous place to live full of knife wielding youths, lethal viruses and is about to be completely overrun by illegal immigrants. The police are either buried under piles of paperwork, incompetent and impotent ora bunch of baton toting fascists who’d rather beat the shit out of you than tell you the time – depending on what best suits the story of the day.
However, if you don’t read the papers, Britain (or at least Eastbourne) is a lovely sunny place full of reasonably friendly people who rarely knife you and the police are now so young they look like they might burst into tears if you stare at them too long.
Seriously, if you’re depressed, anxious or fearful about the modern world – stop reading the news and you’ll find you brighten up immeasurably.
Anyway, I was reading the paper over this guy’s shoulder – not because I suddenly felt the need to know how soon we’re all going to die from Swine Flu, but because it was The Sun and I thought I might see some boobs – when this article caught my eye:
Specifically, this bit:
By the way, if you’re wondering how I managed to get a scan of someone else’s paper – there’s this little pressure point under the ear which, if pressed while pulling back on the head, will result in a complete neurological shutdown. After that, stealing a paper from someone who’s unconscious is child’s play. It’s fun, practice on your friends … if you don’t like them much.
“Bruce has been making films and a pilot for a TV comedy called Spinal Flap, set in the world of boy bands.”
That’s me they’re not talking about there.
Yes, I can exclusively reveal I co-wrote Spinal Flap (or ‘Untitled Boy Band Sitcom Pilot’ as I prefer to call it) with my enigmatic and mysterious co-writer Earl Grey. A man so enigmatic and mysterious he needs two words which mean exactly the same thing to describe him.
In fact, he may not even be a man, that’s how enigmatic he truly is.
Shit. I meant ‘or she truly is’.
No, it is a man. To be honest, I think I’ve given his identity away many times on this blog.
Fuck it, it’s Lee Otway.
Anyway, the sitcom pilot mentioned is one I co-wrote with Lee (he did most of the work and it’s his idea), which was filmed last month (or was it the month before?) with Bruce Jones and SOME OTHER PEOPLE!
That isn’t to say the other people aren’t as exciting or famous as Bruce Jones, but they haven’t been promoting it in the papers and as yet are protected by an impenetrable shield of anonymity.
In other words, I was hiding in the Caribbean during the shoot, didn’t meet any of the cast and can’t find the email which contains the list of actors.
I was going to write a post today about the Movable Goalposts of Excitement, but I thought not being talked about in The Sun was more interesting.
If you’re lucky.