They say a watched kettle never boils.
They’re fucking liars.
Of course a watched kettle boils, it boils in exactly the same amount of time as an unwatched kettle. Unless they put more water in it or take the fuse out or some other such cuntery.
The problem is, watching a kettle boiling is fucking boring. Don’t get me wrong, I quite enjoy the pause for breath making a cup of tea gives you – the chance to get away from the computer and wander about for a minute or two. Personally, I tend to throw a few Kung Fu shapes around the kitchen – which probably goes some way towards explaining why our neighbours think I’m a bit weird.
But what if you don’t know Kung Fu? What if you don’t want to do press ups or squat thrusts while the kettle is boiling? What if you literally have nothing better to do than watch a kettle boil? How can you possibly cope with that level of tedium?
Well worry no longer, Breville have made kettles more interesting:
That’s right, someone, somewhere has taken the time to watch a kettle boiling and thought ‘I can fucking improve on that!’. Someone else has listened to that mental someone, agreed with their opinions on the dullness of kettles and authorised probably hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of research. Research was done, prototypes were built and focus groups were focussed in an ever increasing circle of madness until finally, finally the mood kettle has arrived.
And then some prick buys one, videos it and puts it on his blog.
Sad? Oh yes; but God damn, my kettle changes colour when it boils! I’m actually sitting in my living room right now, watching the kettle boil in the kitchen … and I’ve already got a cup of tea!
Not only does a watched kettle boil, but it does so in technicolour splendour. I don’t know how I’ve lived this long without it!
Oh wait, Mandy says I have to stop blogging about the kettle or she’s going to punch me in the plums.