Lying bastard


I am one.


I was boring some people with the mildly amusing tale of something which happened to me a few years back when this girl shouted me down and denounced me for being a lying bastard.

I was a bit surprised, but this sort of thing does seem to happen with alarming regularity.

I’ll tell you the story, see if you can spot the information which so incensed her.

“A few years back, probably more than a few now. What year is it? … Good Lord, is it? Already?

Right, so a lot of years back. probably 2001 or 2002 I was chatting to a friend of mine who had a spanky new phone.

This was back in the days when I thought all mobile phones were evil and didn’t check the web every single fucking day to see if the phone I want has been released yet.

Like I do at the moment.

It hasn’t. Not yet.

Anyway, this friend of mine had a spanky new phone and so did one of her friends.

Did I mention they were both extremely hot, blonde and busty air hostesses?

I didn’t? How remiss of me.

This was before I met Mandy, by the way.

Anyway, so I was chatting to my friend (who manifestly wasn’t interested in sleeping with me) when she received a call from her friend (who, coincidentally, wasn’t interested in sleeping with me either. This state of affairs pretty much describes most of the extremely hot, blonde and busty air hostesses I’ve met in my life) …”

By the way, this is the annotated story. The original version was shorter, but I’m on a roll and avoiding any real work.

“So she receives this call, but the signal’s a bit shit and the call doesn’t connect properly. My friend realises her friend will probably call back in a second, but she has to go and do something. For some reason, rather than take the spanky new mobile phone with her, she leaves it with me with instructions to answer the call when it comes and chat to her friend until she gets back … from wherever it was she was going.

To collect a bag from somewhere, I think.

Doesn’t matter.

So I did. Because, you know, she was an extremely hot, blonde and busty air hostess who might possibly have been interested in sleeping with me if I managed to answer her phone correctly.

You never know, it could have happened!

It didn’t, but that’s beside the point.

Anyway, so the call comes and I use the little stylus thingy to answer the call. Before I can say anything, her friend screams and hangs up.

That’s when I realise the spanky new phones are videophones … and judging by the frozen after image on this one, my friend’s extremely hot, blonde and busty air hostess friend made the video call whilst naked.”

This is the point where the girl in the group I was chatting to interrupted and branded me a liar.

Actually, she jumped in just after the word ‘frozen’, missing out on the point of the story.

Can you spot why?

Come on, have a guess. What is there in that story which could drive a young(ish) woman to shout at me and accuse me of being a lying bastard and ‘making it up just to impress people’?

Yes, that’s right – videophones didn’t exist in 2001 (or 2002 or whenever it was) because Apple have only just invented video calling for the iPhone 4.

Fuck me sideways.

Categories: Bored, Random Witterings, Sad Bastard | 8 Comments

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8 thoughts on “Lying bastard

  1. Debbie

    Lmao, bloody love it.

  2. LOL as the youth say these days.

    But could be worse, could be a high profile 4-part drama set in a Bristol which apparently nobody involved seemed to have ever visited…

    …and it showed.

    A lot.

  3. LOL, absolutely love it. i was watching an iPhone advert the other day in the US and my girlfriend was amazed at the incredible thing Apple had just invented,, it’s called cut and paste or something, Not sure what it does as it’s pretty cutting edge revolutionary apple stuff…I’ll let you know

    Give me strength..

    Fun story as always Phil

  4. Pah, I remember the jetsons using video phones years ago! Shame about George Jetson’s drink problem though.

    Funny story Phil.

  5. Stuart

    But we were using video phones back in 89, remember when I was on a video call to Prince Charles and we could see Dianna getting undressed in the backgound?

  6. I absolutely love this and made me laugh in front of my computer! 🙂

  7. hehe nice, very funny

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