‘Fess up

I have a follower on Twitter.

To many of you, that will seem a total non-event. A mere bagatelle. One follower? How pathetic. Why bother mentioning it at all?

Well, for one simple reason: I’m not on Twitter.

I don’t want to be on Twitter, despite the constant feeling of standing in the wrong room at a party. I occasionally catch snippets of conversation which sounds fun, but goddamn it, I’m working here – I’ve already got enough distractions, I don’t need another.

So how did I get a follower?

No wait, go further back: how did I get a Twitter account?

At first I assumed it must be some mistake. Some other Phill Barron must have set it up. It’s not me, I would have remembered.

Except … it’s been set up using my email address.

Which is weird.

So come on, ‘fess up: who did it? Who Twitted me? And why, for God’s sake?

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Categories: Random Witterings, Sad Bastard, Someone Else's Way, Things I've Learnt Recently | 25 Comments

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25 thoughts on “‘Fess up

  1. My theory’s on it being your follower.

    Because who else can possibly know that you have a twitter account?

  2. PS, if not-you turns out to be dull, I’m completely going to unfollow him/her/it.

    • Um … confusing point. I’m afraid I don’t speak 21C. Are you saying it was you? If so, can I have the password, please?

      • I’m saying not-you now has two followers.

        • OIC

          (oh I see)

          Prepare for dullness. I may be getting updates but I don’t have the password, so there won’t be any tweeting from me.

          Mind you, I haven’t had an email saying you’re following me (or rather him/her/it) so … maybe he/she/it has changed the email address too? Or something. It’s obviously all part of some Black Glove-like plot to ruin me.

  3. Let me know when you know who not-you is.

    Assuming, of course, that this is still you.

  4. Um, your other follower who-is-not-Piers appears to openly admit to stalking people on his Twitter account.

    You might want to keep an eye on any new neighbours.

    Also, you realise this means that if you did decide to start a Twitter account, you’d now have to be TheRealPhillBarron?

    He’s elevated you like, ten celebrity notches just like that.

    • I’m fairly certain nobody’s deranged enough to hunt down a UK scriptwriting nobody and create a fake Twitter page just so they can stalk me. My parents forget who I am with alarming regularity, I can’t believe anyone thinks I merit that much effort.

      Mind you, this could be the opening gambit in some kind of Trading Places-style bet in which someone tries to modify my behaviour by making me famous?

      • Yes, or maybe he’s found stalking famous people too difficult on account of all their bodyguards and what not, so he’s turning you into a celebrity so he *then* stalk you with ease.

        And his plan is working because you don’t suspect a thing!

        He’s wily, this one.

        I’d watch your back if I were you.

  5. Surely you now need an account so you can follow yourself? You don’t want to find out what you’re saying second hand do you?

    I’m following you too now, just for kicks, and this guy’s an amateur. If he really meant business he would have used your photo for an avatar.

    That’s what I’d do if I was a crazy Twitter stalker.

  6. Only in 2010 is this conversation even possible. What have we wrought?

  7. Could be the Phantom Twitterer…

  8. Lemonsqueeze

    Could it be Tyler Durden?

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