Persona, the new smartphone drama I’ve been working on, launches in nine days.
Just think, when you wake up on January 1st with your world spinning, kebab smeared over your chin, your head a hundred pounds heavier and your wallet a hundred pounds lighter* you can climb over that boy/girl/farm animal (who seemed much more attractive at 3 am in a dark club/toilet/stable), pull your iPhone out of the pile of blood-flecked vomit and squint through your hangover (and shattered screen, if you’ve got an iPhone 4 – they aren’t very drunk proof) to watch two-ish minutes of awesomeness.
Wouldn’t that just get the year off to a good start?
Until you find out you’re/she’s/Daisy’s pregnant, diseased and remarkably clingy; but that’s okay because he/she/Daisy loves you and even though his/her/Daisy’s doctor/vet said he/she/Daisy shouldn’t really form close attachments so soon after his/her/Daisy’s breakdown, he/she/Daisy knows he won’t complain in your case, because you’re so wonderful and anyway his severed head’s in his/her/Daisy’s fridge/feed trough – which serves him right for looking him/her/Daisy in the face.
Let’s face it, 2011 isn’t looking that good for you right now – best just to revel in the two-ish minutes it’ll take to watch Persona and hope he/she/Daisy picks a fight with his/her/Daisy’s own reflection and slits his/her/Daisy’s own ridiculously ugly throat.
Ah, New Year – it’s the same every year. The one day of the year you’re COMMANDED to have fun. You MUST enjoy yourself. If you stop smiling for even a millisecond, fifty, pissed-up fucking strangers pounce on you and demand you “Cheer up for fuck’s sake, it’s New Year’s Eve!”
Fuck off, fuck off all of you! I know what fucking day it is, I’m not fucking stupid. Why else do you think I’m standing in this hell hole dressed like a gay Mexican?And can you please just back the fuck off? Just one fucking millimetre so I can get enough space in this sweating, heaving mass of B.O. to raise the drink I’ve had fruitlessly crushed against my chest for four hours to my momentarily unsmiling mouth? I’ve fucking paid the same as you to be in here, you know? Fucking shit loads to stand here listening to the world’s worst DJ playing the world’s worst music to the world’s worst fucks.
I don’t want my fun arranged months in advance. I don’t want to have fun on a specific night because you tell me I’m supposed to. I want my fun to be … well, fun. New Year’s Eve I’ll either be locked in my bedroom, hiding under the duvet … or patrolling the streets with a sniper rifle.
BANG! Cheer up for fuck’s sake, it’s New Year’s Eve!
New Year’s Day, on the other hand, I’ll be watching Persona.
On Mandy’s iPhone, obviously.
Assuming she hasn’t shattered the screen by placing it on the table too vigorously between now and then.
Ooh, look, a logo for Persona:
I love when the artwork starts turning up – it’s the first sign of realness. Not quite as good as the teaser trailer, of course. That’s when you know it’s all hurtling towards you with frightening inevitability.
Oh look, there’s a teaser trailer:
Wow, that really doesn’t tell you anything, does it?
Do you feel teased? Do you?
So there you are, Persona starts on New Year’s Day. Salivate, salivate now. And whilst doing so, why not become friends with App Media on Facebook:
Or follow their meandering rants on Twitter:
And remember, we’re still looking for writers …
* Five hundred pounds if you live in London.