Congratulations! If you’re living in America, you too can get Persona on your iPhone!
For those of you not in the know: Persona is a daily, 2 minute drama delivered right to your phone for the very reasonable price of … something a year. £1.19 in UK money … $1.50 maybe? It’s not very much, anyway – not for 2 minutes a day, everyday for a year, of top-notch UK drama.
For those of you even further not in the know, the UK is a tiny island off the coast of Europe. That’s the bit between you and Russia, no, the other way … to the East.
Yes, that’s us!
A brief potted history of the UK, just to bring you up to speed.
A few thousand years ago, there was no one here. Then people started turning up and they were quite angry. For reasons no one can figure out, everybody and his dog invaded the UK, or Britain as it’s sometimes known, for about a thousand years or so. All of these angry people attacked, raped a bit and then settled down: Romans, Vikings, Angles, Saxons, Jutes – they all came over and had a pop.
About a thousand years ago, the last bunch of invaders (the French) turned up and murdered so many people we had no choice but to proclaim one of them King – because that’s how monarchy works, the biggest mass murderer gets to wear the crown.
Despite being a mixture of pretty much everyone who happened to be walking past with a big stick, the British don’t really like foreigners and are immediately suspicious of anyone who isn’t British – ie: descended from violent psychopaths. We like to cherish this heritage by dressing up in bright colours and hurting people, we used to call this war; but then some bastard went and invented machine guns so now we call it ‘football’.
Our football is different to your football since in our football we actually use our feet. Although the main reason for football is so we can all get together and punch foreigners. If there are no foreigners present, we’ll settle for punching each other. If someone turns up with a ball, all the better.
For reasons no one really understands (mainly because this entire period of history has been banned from British history books) Britain once ruled the entire world … even you guys. We were the ones you were fighting during the War of Independence – we lost! But for some reason, we seem to have started celebrating it on TV in recent years.
After the two World Wars, Britain was bankrupt and had to start running after America like some yappy fucking lapdog who’s desperately hoping its owner doesn’t find out it’s taken a shit on the rug. To some of us, this is an affront to our national pride. To others, it doesn’t really matter since America has cool stuff like explosions, guns and fast cars … or at least that’s what TV tells us.
Britain invented the Industrial Revolution and for a while we were the cleverest people in the world. For some reason, we’re not particularly proud of this and we never talk about that either. Instead, we try to be as stupid as possible by shouting at anyone who seems remotely clever (except Stephen Fry – we like him, he’s a national treasure).
We do like to think of ourselves as being important on the world stage … but then, who doesn’t? And let’s be honest, if there is another World War, we’ll be the first ones to look cross on TV.
One thing we have done recently, which you haven’t quite managed, is to invent Persona – the world’s first, daily continuing drama created by App-Media exclusively for iPhones.
We’ve got that. We’ve done it. And now we’re giving it to you. Simply click this link:
Purchase the app (for mere cents) and you’re away! 2 minutes of UK drama on your phone each and every day. It’s set in London, if that helps – London was in one of the Bourne films so you may have heard of it.. And Mission Impossible. And Austin Powers.
In fact, Austin Powers is pretty much a documentary for how life works in the UK.
Although, if you really want to see how life in the UK works … simply download Persona from App-Media at your local iTunes store.
Oh and if you could tell lots of people, that would be brilliant too. Thank you.