For this method you will need:
- A computer *
- An Internet connection
- A bed and a pillow †
- Some privacy
- A cup of tea ‡
- On receiving your feedback, immediately and BEFORE READING SAID FEEDBACK send a polite thank you/acknowledgement with a promise to revert once you have had time to properly digest their thoughts.
- Unplug your Internet connection before reading.
- Read the feedback.
- DO NOT PLUG THE INTERNET BACK IN!
- Lie on the bed, cover face with pillow and SCREAM IN STUPEFIED FRUSTRATION AT THE MORONS WHO JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND YOUR GENIUS. I MEAN, HOW THE FUCK TO THESE DICK-BRAINS GET THROUGH THE FUCKING DAY SINCE THEY OBVIOUSLY DON’T HAVE THE INTELLIGENCE TO THINK AND BREATH AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME? HOW DARE THEY SULLY YOUR EYES WITH THEIR WORTHLESS, CRETINOUS OPINIONS? GET ME AN ENVELOPE, GET ME AN ENVELOPE RIGHT FUCKING NOW SO I CAN WIPE MY ARSE ON THEIR STUPID FUCKING NOTES AND POST THEM BACK SMEARED IN MY ANAL DISDAIN.
- Lie still until the urge to wipe your bottom on their opinions has passed.
- Have a cup of tea.
- Reflect on how lucky you are not to have had witnesses to your childish outburst.
- Imagine, if you will, that the person delivering the notes isn’t proof of the dire need for time travel so you can go back and wipe out their grandparents, thus preventing them ever existing; but rather a human being with valid opinions which differ slightly from your own, possibly brought about by your own inability to convey the correct meaning in your writing or possibly brought about by them reading the script through a filter you hadn’t expected. Only in exceptionally rare circumstances are they actually a twat.
- Read the notes again.
- Marvel at how, this time, you find yourself agreeing with some of the points, realising some of them don’t matter one way or the other and the rest, whilst wrong, stem from a completely different problem which everyone has yet to identify.
- Plug the Internet back in.
- DO NOT EXPRESS AN OPINION OF THE NOTES simply arrange a time when you can meet face to face and calmly discuss them.
And that’s pretty much it. You may choose to have another cup of tea at this time, you may not. Sleep is usually helpful at some point.
Obviously, this method is not the only method you can employ. You are free to employ any method of your choosing, possibly even one which doesn’t show you up as a ridiculously petulant child? Perhaps your method involves being calm and rational from the outset? Or large scale mass-murder? I have no idea, but would be fascinated to find out.
* It doesn’t matter which type. Different people will try to argue one manufacturer/operating system over another. Please ignore them, for the purposes of this and every other scriptwriting related procedure it matter not a jot. They all do the same things.
† It doesn’t matter which type. Different people will try to argue one manufacturer/stuffing over another. Please ignore them, for the purposes of this and every other scriptwriting related procedure it matter not a jot. They all do the same things.
‡ Different people will try to argue one manufacturer/beverage over another. These people are fucking wrong. Especially if they suggest coffee. Coffee is Satan’s wee and will completely and utterly ruin your career as a scriptwriter. Tea is the only acceptable choice. This is not open for debate, you are wrong, accept it and move on.