Boldly going

boldly-go

I tend to go through little phases with my writing. Certain stylistic things which, for some reason, catch my fancy and make their way into most of my scripts during a certain, brief window of time … before being jettisoned from my tool box like a pair of *insert whatever style of jeans are currently unfashionable here*.#

Currently, I seem to be rather enamoured with intercutting between two people talking to the same third person in the same room at different times.

No, I don’t know why either. I just am.

The problem with that is: it’s fucking difficult to format properly.

I guess the accepted way would be something like this:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY

DETECTIVE CINDY questions MAVIS.

                    CINDY
          Come on, Mavis, we've got you bang to 
          rights and no mistake.

                    MAVIS
          Oh lordy, lordy.

                                               INTERCUT:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY

The same room, hours later. Cindy interviews REGINA.
          
                    REGINA
          Fuck you copper, I ain't telling you 
          nothing.

                    CINDY
          The other woman, the one in the tutu, she
          told us everything.

                    MAVIS
          Oh lordy, lordy.

                    CINDY
          You said that.

                    REGINA
          Eat my shit, pig?

                    CINDY
          Yeah, and that.
         
                    REGINA
          What about-- ?

                    CINDY
          Look, can we just assume you've used every 
          cliché under the sun and just get on with 
          the confessing?

                    MAVIS
          Oh lordy, lordy?

                    CINDY
          Once more! Just once! And my fist is going 
          right up your ...

And so on.

The problem with that example, is it’s really hard to tell who Cindy’s talking to. I mean, this line:

                    CINDY
          The other woman, the one in the tutu, she
          told us everything.

Is that said to Mavis or Regina? How about the rest of Cindy’s lines? Who is she talking to?

Another way of writing this might be:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY

DETECTIVE CINDY questions MAVIS.

                    CINDY
          Come on, Mavis, we've got you bang to 
          rights and no mistake.

                    MAVIS
          Oh lordy, lordy.

                                               INTERCUT:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY

The same room, hours later. Cindy interviews REGINA.
          
                    REGINA
          Fuck you copper, I ain't telling you 
          nothing.

CINDY AND MAVIS

                    CINDY
          The other woman, the one in the tutu, she
          told us everything.

                    MAVIS
          Oh lordy, lordy.

                    CINDY
          You said that.

CINDY AND REGINA

                    REGINA
          Eat my shit, pig?

                    CINDY
          Yeah, and that.
         
                    REGINA
          What about-- ?

CINDY AND MAVIS

                    CINDY
          Look, can we just assume you've used every 
          cliché under the sun and just get on with 
          the confessing?

                    MAVIS
          Oh lordy, lordy?

CINDY AND REGINA

                    CINDY
          Once more! Just once! And my fist is going 
          right up your ...

Yuck.

I don’t know about you, but I find that fucking horrible.

I also have a weird thing about scene headings without an action line underneath it. Don’t know why, I just do. But writing “Cindy interviews Mavis”, “Cindy interrogates Mavis”, “Cindy’s still getting fucking nowhere with Mavis” is even worse.

So, recently (and I know this is slightly less than interesting; but I’ve started now and am determined to finish regardless) I’ve been bolding the intercut scenes. Rather like this:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY

DETECTIVE CINDY questions MAVIS.

                    CINDY
          Come on, Mavis, we've got you bang to 
          rights and no mistake.

                    MAVIS
          Oh lordy, lordy.

                                               INTERCUT:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY

The same room, hours later. Cindy interviews REGINA.
          
                    REGINA
          Fuck you copper, I ain't telling you 
          nothing.

                    CINDY
          The other woman, the one in the tutu, she
          told us everything.

                    MAVIS
          Oh lordy, lordy.

                    CINDY
          You said that.

                    REGINA
          Eat my shit, pig?

                    CINDY
          Yeah, and that.
         
                    REGINA
          What about-- ?

                    CINDY
          Look, can we just assume you've used every 
          cliché under the sun and just get on with 
          the confessing?

                    MAVIS
          Oh lordy, lordy?

                    CINDY
          Once more! Just once! And my fist is going 
          right up your ...

Which I feel reads much better. Okay, it’s shit; but that’s beside the point. You may disagree, but please don’t – it unsettles my ego.

I’ve also started doing it for bits of a scene which occur away from the main characters. So, for instance:

EXT. ROOFTOP - DAY

Sam squeals with fear, points at the alley below. Bemused, 
Wilf peers over the edge - what the hell is Sam pointing at?
There's nothing there but:

Bins, a cat, a used condom.

                    WILF
          What? What is it?

Sam shrieks with fear, points even more pointedly:

The cat chokes on one of the condoms. There's a bit of 
newspaper meandering around the alley.

                    WILF
          What? Use your words, goddamn it!

Point. Point. Shriek. Point:

A cat. A condom. A newspaper. A Burmese Zombie Ninja. 
Nothing unusual!

                    WILF
          Seriously, just spit it out or my fist
          is going right up your ...

And so on.

I don’t know if this sort of thing is allowed or not, but it works for me and fuck you, it’s my script+.

Oh and apparently I now end every scene with the threat of intimate cavity violence.

Gloves-CopBlock

 —————————————————————————————————————-

# At fourteen I reached breaking point with fashion and decided it could fuck off. Fashion means looking like a twat but not realising it until a year later. Far better to be stylish than fashionable I thought. Never quite managed it, but the thought was there.

I don’t know about you, but I’m so bored with fashion cycling endlessly through the 60s, 70s and 80s (the 90s being a brief pause before we all went back to the 60s). Can’t we have something different? I vote for Elizabethan gear to come back into fashion: tights, codpiece and a fuck-off ruff – that would be awesome.

+ Unless you’ve paid me for it, then technically it’s your script. But still fuck you. I have my own funky style, that’s why you hired me and … what’s that? Difficult? Me? You’re never going to hire me again? Oh … well. Yes. Um … uoy kcuf (that’s me taking it back).

Advertisements
Categories: Bored, My Way, Random Witterings, Sad Bastard | 4 Comments

Post navigation

4 thoughts on “Boldly going

  1. I think I like the second one best, though I totally agree about scene headings without action lines.

    Also, I want to see more of Mavis and Cindy’s adventures.

    • That’s the stupid part of this post really – it just doesn’t matter so long as it’s clear.

      And there are no more adventures – they get caught in a nuclear blast immediately after this scene. Tragic, really.

  2. Oh Lordy, Lordy Phil!

  3. Pingback: 2014 | The Jobbing Scriptwriter

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: