My first Q&A

Other blogs seem to have Q&As with professional screenwriters, I thought I’d get in on the act.

Unfortunately I don’t know any pro-writers, at least no interesting ones, but I do know how to get hold of unlisted numbers.

So here’s an interview with John August, writer of ‘Go’, ‘Big Fish’, ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’ and some other stuff.

Here’s what he had to say:


Hi John, I was wondering if I could ask you some questions?

What time is it?

I don’t know, about midday I think.

Fuck, it’s four in the morning!

Uh-huh, so John, I can call you John, yeah?

What? Who is this? How did you get this number?

So how did you get your first break?

Break, what break? What are you talking about?

‘Go’, tell me about ‘Go’. Was that a spec sale or a commission?

It was a … who the fuck is this?

Charlie’s Angels, eh? You proud of that? I haven’t seen it, but some bloke down in the pub said he didn’t like it. How do you deal with that kind of criticism?

I’m hanging up now.

Okay, before you go … John? John?


Hey, John, I think we got cut off.

Fuck off, if you call again I’m calling the cops.

(He hangs up. I redial)

Bonjour Monsiuer, j’mappelle Claude. Je voudrais–

I have caller ID, you know?

Can I just say–


(He hangs up and leaves his phone off the hook for the next nine hours.)


And there you have it, my first celebrity Q&A. Next time I’m going to be bothering William Goldman who is 76 and might die soon.

Particularly if I ring him in the middle of the night.

Categories: Bored, Random Witterings | 8 Comments

Post navigation

8 thoughts on “My first Q&A

  1. Bloomin’ brilliant! 🙂

  2. Potdoll

    lol my socks just flew off!!!!

  3. hahaha! you almost had me there. thanks to my almost obsessive reading of Mr August’s site, not only did i know your potty-mouthed callee (?) was not Mr August, i could reasonably surmise that you more likely got his neighbour, Josh Friedman.

    not that i’m saying Mr Friedman has a potty mouth.

    oh shit.

  4. Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeeeed

  5. hahahaha!
    That just brought a smile to my face.
    You’re the on-line Parky! Congrats!

  6. Wow, what a great response. I’m going to make shit up more often.

  7. You shouldn’t make shit up. That’s lying, and lying is bad and wrong. I hope you’ve learned your lesson with all this ‘fiction’ and ‘creative’ mallarkey.

    I expect all your future projects to be documentaries. May I suggest Her Majesty the Queen as a subject? Perhaps you’d like to film her preparing for a photo shoot, and then putting some pleb photographer in her place. That would be wonderful, and so very, very truthful.

  8. Pingback: 2007 « The Jobbing Scriptwriter

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Create a free website or blog at

%d bloggers like this: